he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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