Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
