How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
