Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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