i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
