Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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