at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
