I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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