i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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