I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
