Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
