I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
