before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
