Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
