I don't think brook has ever known best
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background