Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
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Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.