the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.