we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
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Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.