Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
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When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
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You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians