toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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