so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
