i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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