loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
