the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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