Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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