I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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