My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
