oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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