His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
