So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
