I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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