Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize