You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
