Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
