Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
