Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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