this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
