Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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