I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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