Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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