found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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