shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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