I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
