I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
so much tequila, so little girl.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
