Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
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Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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