there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
