i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
