SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
