saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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