I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
