Just cropdusted the office
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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