when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
