I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
