they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
