i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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