I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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