Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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