OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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