Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
