Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
