You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The ass gains better be worth it
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