It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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