I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
