Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
