I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't think brook has ever known best
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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