He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
