saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
