Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
