best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
