i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize