I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
