I just threw up on my dentist
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
