I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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