i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
