so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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