i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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