just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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