Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
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The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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