Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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