never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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